


do you know what's worth fighting for?

by dcrthkenobi (galakticfinn)



Series: An Imperial Pilot (In the Rebellion) [5]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Bodhi centric, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 15:25:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9331409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galakticfinn/pseuds/dcrthkenobi
Summary: “I-I’m the pilot.” Bodhi whispered, like he was trying to convince himself of the truth. He looked over to the man in the other cell for the first time, his breath stuttering out of him as he looked into beautiful brown yes. He didn’t know why, but he instantly trusted this man. “I brought the message. I’m the pilot.” He whispered to the man.Rogue One from Bodhi's perspective spanning from pre-rogue one to post-rogue one.





	

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for any mistakes.

Bodhi laughed and caught the ball before the other boy could. He braced himself to be tackled to the ground, but it never came. He turned around in confusion, looking to see what had distracted his friends. They were all looking at each other in confusion. Bodhi shivered when the wind seemed to pick up suddenly. Something wasn’t right.

Everyone stilled.

Bodhi could hear the distant rumbling of engines. Something passed over the sun, casting a shadow over the city. Bodhi looked up, dropping the hoverball in fear. He may be eleven, but he knew what those ships were - they were Imperial Stormtrooper transports. All along the street people looked up and watched the approaching ships in terror.

Shouts of fear echoed around the city. It was obvious what was about to happen. After being largely ignored by the Empire for so long, the Empire was finally turning their attention to their city. They wouldn’t stand a chance. Jedha City was peaceful and would easily be overrun by the Imperial forces.

The shuttles were landing just outside of the city when Bodhi heard his name being called. He turned and saw his mother rushing toward him. She drew Bodhi protectively behind her when the Stormtroopers entered the city, a sharp order of, “ _Nobody move!”_ ringing through the silent street.

Bodhi peered around his mother, watching the line of Stormtroopers march through the street. He watched in horror when a man stepped from the side of the street to the center, blocking the path of the Stormtroopers. Bodhi didn’t know the man’s name, but he knew who he was – the owner of the Muja fruit stand, he always gave Bodhi a Muja fruit for free.

“We won’t let you desecrate our Holy City.” The man cried defiantly, pointing a finger at the Stormtroopers.

Bodhi’s mother quickly dropped her hand to cover Bodhi’s eyes. But the action seemed moot, the sound of a blaster rifle, the short cry of pain, and the thud were unmistakable – Bodhi knew what had happened. He clutched at the fabric of his mother’s clothing and gave a soft cry.

His mother closed her eyes in pain and clutched her son close to her. No eleven-year-old child should have to witness these horrors.

\--

Bodhi sat idly tossing a Muja fruit back and forth in his hands as he watched a patrol of Stormtroopers round the corner and start marching down the street. Muja fruit had once been his favorite fruit, but it had lost its appeal – Juvai and Aaya still loved Muja though and they’d be so happy to get the delicacy.

Even after four years, Bodhi still had nightmares of that merchant’s death. He’d asked his mother what the man’s name was, he didn’t want to forget the only man that had been brave enough to stand up to the Empire.

When Bodhi’s youngest sibling was born two months later, he was named after the Muja fruit merchant – Juvai.

“What’s going on here?” Bodhi looked up to see a pair of Stormtrooper had broken off from the patrol and now stood in front of him.

Bodhi stood up quickly, keeping his eyes downcast – don’t give them a reason to use unnecessary force. “Nothing, Sir.”

The Stormtrooper studied him for a moment then stepped back so that Bodhi could leave. “Then keep moving. You know the rules, no loitering.”

“Yes, sir.” Bodhi stuffed the Muja fruit into his pocket to join the other.

Bodhi kept his shoulders hunched as he wove his way down the overcrowded street to his home. He _hated_ the kriffing Empire. They may as well have been living in a jail, the way that they were treated in their own City. Kids no longer played outside in the streets – they weren’t allowed. People no longer gathered to talk in the streets – they weren’t allowed. They weren’t allowed to do anything. The Empire viewed socializing as a threat. The streets were constantly patrolled, any threats of disruption were met with swift and deadly force.

The once peaceful city of NiJedha had become the center of Imperial Terror.

Bodhi tried to ignore the holoimages that were scattered around the streets, most of them were Imperial propaganda. Some of them were local news. The rest showed the faces of people wanted by the Empire. Bodhi froze when they all changed – the words, “BREAKING NEWS: 45 MINERS KILLED IN KYBER MINE WORKER REVOLT,” flashing around the street.

“…Abu…” shook his head, the words becoming blurry with tears. “ _No_.”

He somehow knew that his father was one of those forty-five. he didn’t know how he knew -   but he did. Hadn’t the Empire taken enough from him already?

Bodhi had grown up on stories of the Jedi and the Force. He used to sit and listen to the Temple Guardians talk – he still did – but now he felt his faith in the Force dwindling. The guardians always said that everything was as the Force willed it to be.

He couldn’t understand why the Force would will his father to die.

\--

He didn’t want to do this. He hated the Empire. He’d much rather fight _against_ the Empire rather than fight _for_ the Empire, but they needed the money – being a rebel fighter didn’t pay well. His brother and sister were hungry – _he_ was hungry too, but his younger siblings were more important.

“I don’t like you working for the Empire.” His mother whispered, her eyes taking in the brand-new Imperial flight-suit that Bodhi now wore.

“I know, Mami, but we need the money.” Bodhi replied softy, “Juvai and Aaya need to eat.”

She nodded sadly, Bodhi was right. They were barely scraping by with what she’d been able to earn over the past four years. She understood why Bodhi had gone to the academy to become an Imperial pilot, it paid well, but she wanted to protect her son. She couldn’t protect her son when he was going straight into the heart of the Monster.

“Stay safe.”

Bodhi nodded. He didn’t know what to say to that, he didn’t want to end making an empty promise. He couldn’t guarantee that he would be safe. He’ already been verbally assaulted by their neighbors when they had seen the Imperial symbol on his shoulder and several people had spit on him when he walked past.

He didn’t really blame them.

\--

It was easy to ignore the things that the Empire did if you’re just a cargo pilot. He didn’t need to see what the Empire did. He spent most of his time in the cargo shuttle, running shipments to different planets. He didn’t even get to _see_ anything. Most places wouldn’t even let him off the landing pad.

He just stayed in the shuttle and did what he was told.

That was his life for _six_ years. Hiding behind his position as a cargo pilot and doing what he was told. It made it _so_ easy to pretend he wasn’t an accessory to the atrocities the Empire committed. But he couldn’t really fool himself, he hated his job. It paid relatively well, though – Cargo Pilots were surprisingly sought after by the Empire – so Bodhi was able to send a decent amount of credits home to his family.

Bodhi froze when he heard muffled yelling coming from outside followed by the unmistakable sound of blaster fire. Bodhi ran to the open ramp of the cargo shuttle and watched in horror as the Stormtroopers massacred the Kyber miners.

He closed his eyes. He felt sick. This is how his _father_ had died. And now Bodhi was standing back, letting the same thing happen to someone else’s loved ones. Bodhi’s hands shook. He _hated_ himself – felt disgusted with himself. How could he stand by and let this happen? The was _Jedha_ , these were miners from _Jedha City_.

These were _his people_.

They hadn’t even disobeyed orders.

Bodhi had always hated the Empire, but now he hated himself too.

\--

_“You can make right by yourself. If you’re brave enough and listen to what’s in your heart. Do something about it.”_

Bodhi thought about what Galen Erso had said to him – that he could redeem himself if only he listened to his heart. Maybe it was just a ploy to get him to take the message to Saw Gerrera (Bodhi was pretty sure it was just a ploy), but he would have said yes either way. Even if he couldn’t redeem himself, he was done with rolling over and submitting to the whims of the Empire.

Bodhi sighed and huddled in on himself, looking off in the direction of Jedha City. He wanted desperately to go into the city. He’d been shocked to see how much Juvai had grown up the last time he’d been given leave to visit his family – and saddened by the fact that he’d missed it, but at least his younger brother could eat. It had been a year since he’d been given leave to visit his family, he’d loved to see them but he can’t risk it; his face was probably all over the holonet.

“Are you the pilot?”

Scrambling to his feet, Bodhi turned and stumbled to see a group of people. He hadn’t heard them approaching. He looked them over then relaxed when he realized that they were Saw Gerrera’s rebels.

“I need to speak to Saw Gerrera.” Bodhi said as his answer. “It’s urgent.”

Instead of answering, two of the soldiers grabbed Bodhi roughly under the arms. The rest of the group formed a circle around Bodhi, cutting off his view of the surrounding desert. Someone stepped in front of him and roughly bound his hands together.

“H-hey, hey, hey!” Bodhi stuttered out. “I’m on your side!”

They ignored him.

“Just listen to me!”

They didn’t. They started hauling Bodhi across the cold desert.

“I’ve got so speak to Saw Gerrera before it’s too late!”

Bodhi eventually gave up trying to get the rebels to speak to him. They evidently didn’t trust him, they probably thought that he was a spy. He didn’t really blame them. The Empire has planted plenty of spies in the past. But Bodhi _wasn’t_ a spy.

He _was_ hungry, though, and cold. And thirsty, very thirsty.

They’d been marching him across the cold Jedhan desert for hours now, Bodhi could only tell because the sun was behind them now – it was approaching dusk. They hadn’t offered Bodhi any food or water or rest. Bodhi watched as one of the rebels pulled out a water canteen.

Bodhi licked his dry lips, but he didn’t even bother to ask for water. They wouldn’t give it to him anyway. They really didn’t seem to care about Bodhi’s comfort at all. They marched at a pace that Bodhi could barely keep up with, gripping his arms with bruising strength. Bodhi just wished they’d show him some kindness.

Eventually, the group shifted so that they formed a semi-circle around him. He looked up and saw another group approaching his captors. He swallowed dryly. Was _this_ Saw Gerrera.

“Is that him?” Bodhi asked a bit breathlessly, looking back at one of the soldiers behind him. “He… uh, looks a bit different… than how I imagined”

The leader of the other group looked around at the other soldiers and said, “It’s the pilot. Look alive” in their own native dialect. The two groups met up, circled around Bodhi.

“S-so you’re Saw Gerrera?”

The rebel looked at him but didn’t reply.

“No? Okay, look,” Bodhi began with a sense of urgency and irritation, trying to ignore the pat down that he was receiving. “We’re wasting time that we don’t have. I have to speak to Saw Gerrera. I keep telling _them,”_ He jerked his head back toward his original captors. “before it’s too late.”

The rebel didn’t reply.

 _“What part of **urgent** message do you guys not understand?”_ Bodhi snapped, his panic rising. Why wouldn’t they listen to him? Couldn’t they see how urgent the message was? “I _need_ –“

Bodhi was cut off as a sack was yanked over his head, cutting off his vision, and he was pulled bodily in some direction. _Was that really necessary? They’re all on the same side!_

“H-Hey!” Bodhi protested, gasping in pain as the grip on his arms tightened. “We’re _all_ on the _same_ side! If you would just see past the uniform! I Need to speak to Saw Gerrera.”

They didn’t listen to him. Bodhi wasn’t really surprised. They doubted him, just like he doubted himself.

Bodhi Rook had only ever doubted himself and today... it felt even worse.

\--

Bodhi tried to keep himself calm as he was shoved to his knees. Maybe now his suffering would end. Maybe _now_ someone would finally _kriffing believe him_. Maybe now they would stop treating him as an enemy and start treating him like an ally.

He was wrong. So very wrong.

 _“Lies!_ ”

Bodhi flinched when the hoarse voice echoed around whatever chamber they were in. He flinched with each heavy, metallic footstep that fell – the sound growing closer.

 _“Lies!”_ the voice repeated. “ _Deceptions_.”

 _Not deceptions_. Bodhi stilled when the person – Saw Gerrera? – stopped in front of him. He wished they would take the sack off his head. Maybe he would be less afraid (or maybe he would be more afraid). His breaths came harshly and the sack over his head made him feel like he was suffocating.

“Let’s see it.” Bodhi heard some shuffling as someone (probably) handed his ID over to the new person. “Bodhi. Rook. Cargo pilot.” The voice read off the card. “Local boy, huh?”

Bodhi nodded his head. Maybe this was his way in. Maybe –

“How can you work for the Empire? Looking at what they’ve done to Jedha and its people?”

Bodhi hunched his shoulders. How could he even respond to that? He asked himself that same question every day and he couldn’t justify it for himself, there was no point in trying to justify himself to this person – and he didn’t even _want_ to justify himself. He hated himself.

The man grunted in disgust, evidently taking Bodhi’s lack of response as an admission of guilt. Bodhi didn’t really think that was too farfetched, he was guilty. But at least he defected? He’d finally done the right thing.

“There was this,” another voice added in the same dialect from earlier that day – recognized the voice of the captor from earlier, “and encrypted holochip. It was found in his boot when he was captured.”

Bodhi gave a small, slightly hysterical laugh. “Okay. Okay. I can _hear_ you. He didn’t _capture_ me. I came here myself. I _defected_.” Bodhi emphasized. They really weren’t getting the fact that his leaving the empire was _voluntary_. “ _I defected!”_

“Every day, more lies.”

“Lies? _Lies_ ” Bodhi asked, now on the verge of panic. They were wasting precious time. “Would I risk everything on a _lie?_ ” Bodhi shook his head. “No, no. We don’t have _time for this_. I need to speak to Saw Gerrera before it’s too-“

The sack was suddenly yanked from him his head. Bodhi blinked his eyes as he took in his surroundings – they were in a rough, cave-like chamber – he was surrounded by various rebel soldiers. Looming over him was –

“S-so you’re Saw Gerrera? Okay. Okay.” He looked nervously around at the group of soldiers standing above him. He looked back at Saw Gerrera and gestured at the holochip with his bound hands. “Uh, that’s f-for you.” He swallowed and licked his lips. “and they didn’t _find it_. I gave it to them.” He gestured at himself. “ _I gave it to them_.”

Bodhi felt the remainder of his hope crumble away as Saw Gerrera stared down at him.

“G-Galen Erso sent me to find you?” Bodhi added, at this point though, he didn’t expect anyone to believe him. No one ever did, why would today be any different?

Saw Gerrera didn’t reply. Bodhi watched in apprehension as Saw Gerrera grasped the oxygen mask attached to his chest and brought it to his face, breathing in deeply. He dropped it from his mouth with a loud snap that made Bodhi flinch.

“Bor Gullet.”

“B-Bor Gullet?” Bodhi asked with fear. He had no idea what that meant.

The sack was pulled over Bodhi’s head again and he was jerked to his feet and turned around. They started pulling Bodhi in another direction. Bodhi stumbled as he tried to turn back to Saw Gerrera.

“Wait. _Wait!”_ he protested, panic rising even further. “ _Galen Erso sent me! He told me to find you!”_

But his protesting was ignored.

“W-where are you taking me?” Bodhi asked, he didn’t expect an answer and he didn’t get one.

He tried to keep his fear in check as he was led away and through the catacombs of the ancient temple. He wasn’t sure how deep they were taking him. Eventually he heard a cell door opening and he was pulled through a doorway.

 _“Hey!”_ He protested when he was shoved into a hard chair and they started tying his wrists and ankles to the chair. “W-whatever it is you’re gonna do to me… you don’t need to do it!” They still ignored him. “Everything I’ve said it true! _Don’t do this! Please!_ ”

The sack was ripped from his head and he was alone. He was in a cave of some sort, the far end shrouded in darkness. Bodhi’s breath echoed harshly around the cell, his fear spiking the longer he sat in the chair with nothing happening.

Bodhi found himself _hating_ Galen Erso. He hated Galen for sending him to a group of rebel soldiers that wouldn’t believe him. _Galen_ _Erso_ had sent him to suffer.

There was a creaking sound of metal on metal as another door – one on of the far side in shadows that he couldn’t see, and heard something moving. He couldn’t see whatever creature was moving in the shadows, but he could tell that it was huge.

He pulled desperately on the restraints holding him in place. He could see the shadows moving slowly toward him, shifting from shadow to creature. His heart rate sped up.

Bodhi had known fear all his life. The Empire was a constant threat that loomed over him. The Empire used fear to keep their lower subordinates in line. The fear was always there. The fear of termination, the fear of his family’s death.

But this was different. This fear was different, a fear in the shadows. A mystery. He had no idea what this creature was capable of, what this creature would do to him. He feared the pain that he knew would come and he feared the unknown that this creature brought. He feared his death.

He didn’t want to die.

“Bor Gullet can hear your thoughts.” Bodhi jerked in the chair when he heard Saw Gerrera behind him, safely behind the bars of the cell.

“Please.” Bodhi gasped out. “You don’t need to do this. _Please_.”

Bodhi watched as the creature – _Bor Gullet_ – came closer, reaching out to him with its arms. Bodhi shrank back in the chair, instinctively trying to get away. It was useless, though, there was no escape for Bodhi.

“No lie is safe from Bor Gullet,” Saw Gerrera said. “What have you really brought me, Cargo Pilot? Bor Gullet will know the truth.”

“ _No!”_ Bodhi pleaded as the creature wrapped its arms around Bodhi. “It’s not a _lie!_ I’m not Lying.” He yelled hysterically.

_No. Please! Why couldn’t they leave him in peace?_

Bodhi screamed in pain.

\--

Bodhi wasn’t even aware as they undid the restraints and pulled him out of the cell, dragging his limp body through the catacombs. Both his mind and body hurt. Bor Gullet had ripped through his mind without mercy, leaving him shaky, weak, nauseous, and in _pain_.

He let out a groan when he was tossed into another cell, his palms scraping against the floor – but he barely noticed the sting compared to the agony in his mind.

Bodhi crawled to the corner of the cell and dropped his head to rest against his knees. He let out a sob. Bodhi was miserable. He was cold, tired, thirsty, hungry and _miserable_. And he didn’t even remember _why_ he was miserable.

The only thing that he was aware of was the misery. The constant pain and nausea that kept him company.

He couldn’t organize his thoughts. Where was he? What was he doing here?

It still felt like Bor Gullet was in his mind, muddling his thoughts and confusing him. Bodhi couldn’t differentiate between what was currently happening and what was a memory. Scenes flashed before his eyes.

He was ten years old, running through the streets of Jedha and laughing with glee. He was eleven years old, watching all over again as the Empire came and took over their City. He was thirteen years old, getting arrested by Stormtroopers for ‘ignoring the rules.’ He was fifteen years old, finding out that his father had been killed by Stormtroopers. He was twenty-five years old and he was watching his co-pilot die over because of his own mistake.

Bodhi let out another cry and covered his head with his arms. When would his suffering end? His life seemed to be one episode of suffering after another. Was this his punishment for working for the enemy?

Eventually Bodhi fell into a restless sleep, shivering and huddling in the corner of the cell.

\--

“ _No._ ” Bodhi mumbled in protest when he felt himself being jerked back against the window of his cell. _“No!”_

_“Back off. Back off!”_

Bodhi winced as he fully woke up, the pain from the previous day’s (or was it two days ago…?) treatment coming back fully. His head was pounding – though it was starting to feel clearer than before – and his throat was dry. He was still tired, despite having slept for a whole day.

“ _Hey. Hey, are you the pilot? The shuttle pilot?”_ he felt a gentle touch on his shoulder.

He moaned softly to himself. _Pilot? Was he a pilot? He knew ships, he was good with ships._ He closed his eyes and tried to remember why he was here.

_“Are you Bodhi Rook?”_

“Bodhi Rook. Bodhi Rook. Bodhi Rook.”  Bodhi muttered repeatedly.

_“Galen Erso. Does that name mean anything to you?”_

Bodhi shuddered. Galen Erso. _Galen Erso._ Galen Erso sent him here. Galen Erso had sent him with the message. He was the pilot. _He was the pilot._

“I-I’m the pilot.” Bodhi whispered, like he was trying to convince himself of the truth. He looked over to the man in the other cell for the first time, his breath stuttering out of him as he looked into beautiful brown yes. He didn’t know why, but he instantly trusted this man. “I brought the message. I’m the pilot.” He whispered to the man.

The man smiled gently at him, showing him kindness that Bodhi hadn’t come to expect from anyone. “That’s good. Can you tell me where Galen Erso is?”

Bodhi furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Why did this man want Galen Erso? “P-probably Eadu? I brought the message from Eadu.” He liked his lips nervously, “W-who are you?”

“I’m Cassian Andor.”

“Cassian.” Bodhi tested the name out on his lips. He liked it.

Bodhi fell against the wall when everything started to shake. He watched as Cassian gave him one last glance before scrambling to the door of his cell, managing to open it. He watched as the three occupants of the adjacent cell escaped, while he was left still trapped in his own.

He stood up on shaky legs, the rumbling was so loud and everyone was shouting. Nobody was paying attention to him, they were going to let him die – alone.

_“Baze, get the Pilot. We need him!”_

_“Oh, I’ll get the Pilot”_

“Pilot.”

Bodhi looked up to see someone pointing a large blaster at him. “W-wait. N-no!” Bodhi ducked, covering his head with his arms – fully expecting to meet a painful end.

But that didn’t happen, instead there was a blast and the cell door slid open.

“Follow me and Chirrut.” His rescuer didn’t wait for his response before turning away.

Bodhi stumbled out of the cell and followed two of the men from the other cell out of the catacombs, trying not to fall as the ground shook and the ceiling crumbled down around them. Bodhi lifted his arm to shield his eyes when they stepped outside – it felt like he hadn’t seen the sun in days.

Then his blood ran cold.

In front of him was a storm, a wall of debris hiding Jedha City from sight. Bodhi knew that it was the weapon, the one that he’d try to warn them about. It was here. And it had destroyed his home.

_Juvai, Aaya, and his mom… gone. And it was Bodhi’s fault. He should have made Saw Gerrera and his soldiers know the importance behind the message. He should have been braver – should have made them listen. He should have… done so many things… but he didn’t_

“Let’s go! We need to get out of here!” Someone slapped him on the shoulder as they ran by and grabbed his arm – tugging him along.

Bodhi followed, dazedly recognizing the man as the one from the cell – Cassian? He ran after Cassian and the woman that was with him toward the U-Wing. He collapsed onto the floor of the U-Wing panting for breath – hearing the ramp close behind him.

Looking out of the window, Bodhi closed his eyes in pain – but that didn’t stop the tears. His home, his family. _Gone_. Killed by the Empire. Bodhi let out a strangled cry. He didn’t care what everyone else thought of him.

Because his _family_ was gone.

Bodhi eventually dragged himself to his feet and sat down in the corner, wrapping his arms around his knees. He could vaguely hear Cassian talking in the background, but he wasn’t paying attention. He was wrapped up in his own miserable thoughts.

_“Set course for Eadu.”_

_“Is that where my father is?”_

“They’re gone.” He muttered to himself. “ _They’re gone. They’re gone. Everyone’s gone.”_

_“I didn’t have enough time to question our friend Bodhi, here, but he said he brought the message from Eadu… so I think so. Yes.”_

Bodhi’s hands shook as he wiped the tears from his eyes. He had to live for them for now, _make the Empire pay_. The Empire took, and they took, _and they took_. They’d taken everything from Bodhi and he was _done_.

Bodhi finally looked up to see the woman looking at him. He frowned at the look of pity and curiosity that flashed across her face. He didn’t want her pity – he didn’t want _anyone’s_ pity.

“You’re Galen Erso’s daughter?” he asked – thinking about the conversation he had overheard. _‘Is that where my father is?’_

She nodded. “Jyn Erso.” She looked at him for a moment before asking, “Did you know him?”

Bodhi looked down at his hands. Truthfully, no. He hadn’t known Galen Erso, barely even spoken to the man – he had only talked to him because Eadu was the only facility where he _kind of_ had clearance to leave the cargo shuttle.

He didn’t even really like Galen Erso, he’d built the weapon that had killed his family and destroyed his home. He hated Galen Erso for that. Hated him for building that weapon and then sending him to be tortured by a group of soldiers that wouldn’t listen (maybe Bodhi should have taken initiative and found people that _would_ have _actually_ listened to him). 

He wasn’t sure how he felt about that monster’s daughter being two feet away from him. Unlike the immediate trust that he’d felt for Cassian, Bodhi felt an immediate distrust for this woman. Bodhi didn’t know what to say to her so he just settled with what Galen had told him. “He said… he said I could make right by myself. He said I could make it right, if I was brave enough and listened to what as in my heart. Do something about it.” Bodhi stopped and looked down at his hands.

He wasn’t very inclined to believe those words. He wanted to follow his heart, but his heart was just full of anger and hate. There was a darkness in his heart now from the destruction of his home, a dark heaviness that probably wouldn’t leave.

“Guess it was too late.”

“It’s not too late!” Jyn said.

“Feels kinda late to me.” Someone else said gruffly, Bodhi thought his name was Baze.

Bodhi was inclined to agree with Baze on this. It _was_ too late, Jedha City was _gone_ – thousands of people _dead_. They couldn’t bring those people back. They were gone and nothing they could do could bring them back.

“It’s not too late!” Jyn repeated. “We can fight back! We can stop who did this.” She looked around at everyone in the ship – Bodhi and Cassian were avoiding her gaze. “The message, I’ve seen it. They call it the Death Star and there’s a weakness.” She walked up to Cassian, “my father, you’re wrong about him – he doesn’t work for the Empire.”

Bodhi gave a snort of disbelief and shook his head, earning a glare from Jyn.

“He knew that they would build it without him, so he lied – he pretended to work for them but he laid a trap… in the reactor core. One blast and the whole thing is finished.”

Cassian nodded his head, but Bodhi could tell that he didn’t really believe Jyn – Bodhi didn’t really believe her either. “Where’s the message?” Cassian eventually asked.

Jyn blinked in surprise, suddenly unsure of herself. “I d-don’t… it was a hologram. Everything happened so fast.”

Cassian let out a sound of irritation then turned to Bodhi. “Did you see it?”

Bodhi dropped his gaze quickly and shook his head.

“That’s just great.”

Irritation flashed across Jyn’s face. “What, you don’t believe me?”

“I’m not the one you have to convince.”

\--

“When was the last time you had food or water?”

Bodhi looked over at Cassian when the man sat beside him and shrugged. “Couple of days… I guess. When I was on Eadu... I’m fine.”  His throat was dry and his lips were cracked, but he wasn’t going to complain.

“Here.” Cassian held out a bottle of water and two ration bars. “Drink it slowly.”

Bodhi took the water and rations from Cassian, giving the man a look of awe and surprise. He hadn’t expected the rebel to care about his wellbeing at all, he was just an Imperial defector after all. Why would anyone care about him?

“Thank you,” Bodhi whispered, avoiding Cassian’s gaze – warmth spreading across his cheeks in response to the kindness.

Bodhi took small measured sips of water, careful not to overload his system, then nibbled on one of the ration bars. It was disgusting – ration bars always were – but also so good at the same time, since it had been days since he’d last eaten.

“Why did you defect?” Cassian asked suddenly.

Bodhi looked back up at Cassian with wide eyes. He was expecting... a look of disgust? But instead he saw warmth and compassion. Bodhi finished off the ration bar and looked down.

“I hate the Empire.” Without looking, Bodhi knew the question was already forming on Cassian’s lips -  so he continued. “You need to understand. I _hate_ the Empire. I have _never_ believed in what the Empire stands for, but my brother and sister were starving – we didn’t have the money – so I took the only job I could get.

I _hated_ myself for it. I still _do_. All the Empire has ever done is take, and I worked for them. I became the very _thing_ that I despised – but at least Juvai and Aaya could eat.

I finally couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t keep ignoring what the Empire was doing. I watched them _slaughter_ Jedhan miners for no reason. They _killed_ my co-pilot for something that _I_ did. So, I took the opportunity to defect. I thought… that maybe I could do some good for once…”

“The Alliance can take care of your family now… and protect them.” Cassian offered quietly.

Bodhi closed his eyes and tried to keep the tears from spilling. “I’m from Jedha City. It doesn’t matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore.”

Silence followed his statement and he could hear the others shifting awkwardly. Then eventually –

“Trust in the Force, for everything is as the Force wills it to be.”

Bodhi turned to look at Chirrut and shook his head bitterly. “I don’t _trust_ the Force. Why would the Force will _thousands_ of people to _die_?” Bodhi let out a bitter laugh. “I lost my faith in the Force a long time ago.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Bodhi :((
> 
> why do i do this?? he's too soft for this.


End file.
